Is there a cycle you’re looking to break?
A shift away from what isn’t working to what does?
A life where thriving interpersonal relationships are the norm and not the exception?
Or possibly just to be able to honor yourself and speak your truth?
If you believe or feel that in relationships...
» You’re being too much or that your needs are not valid or important.
» You have to overextend to be worthy of their love and attention.
» You’re lost without their approval, validation, or acceptance.
» You’re always walking on eggshells to avoid conflict.
» You’re responsible for their happiness or sadness.
» You’re doing all the work to make sure the relationship survives.
» You feel that you are excessively anxious, clingy.
» You’re going to be abandoned if you fail to fulfill ALL of their needs.
» You easily lose your sense of self and your world revolves around just one person.
Or maybe you are on the other side of the spectrum?
» Your boundaries and walls are rigid, impenetrable.
» Nobody is allowed to know how you really feel within.
» You have intimacy fears.
» You are distant, avoidant, scared that you might get hurt if you let others into your heart.
» You are on high-alert mode all the time, suspicious of what they might be doing wrong.
» You pretend that you are okay even if you’re suffering in private.
» You are always ready to walk away, one foot out the door.
» You dread rejection so you don’t try to get close, and yet you long for connection and acceptance.
» You are always right - and being right is more important than repair or reconciliation.
If you resonated with these statements, there's a chance you might be struggling with self-betrayal patterns.
A message from your instructor, Maria
Self-Betrayal:
A disloyalty towards ourselves, repeated broken commitments, and denial of our needs, resulting in a ruptured sense of self-trust.
-Maria Sosa
Betrayal. More than likely, there’s a gut feeling, an emotion, or story attached to the word. Because at some point or another, we have betrayed or been betrayed by someone. At the core is the act of experiencing deliberate disloyalty. A breaking of trust. It’s painful, gut wrenching, messy and one of those really uncomfortable human things go through in life.
Self-betrayal is just that, but turned inwards. Disloyalty towards ourselves, repeated broken commitments, and denial of our needs, resulting in a ruptured sense of self-trust.
Often, we self-betray because our upbringing and own experiences have fostered a narrative that we are unworthy, undeserving, or simply not enough. We don’t do this intentionally and more than likely, we’re not even conscious that we’re engaging in these cycles. In fact, these behaviors have kept us safe in some way or another, a coping mechanism that we learnt as a child in order to survive.
Did:
You have caregivers that you couldn’t depend on?
You have a family member who was abusive (verbally, physically, mentally, spiritually) to you?
Others often make you feel unworthy or “less than”?
Something happen that traumatized you?
You have to endure pain/situations that were too much to bear for someone your age?
Often, these tough experiences teach us to:
» Attempt to please, control ourselves and our environment to get what we need to feel safe (approach behaviors)
» Abandon or neglect ourselves to give others what they want so we can feel safe (avoidance behaviors)
» Or a mix, depending on the relationship or situation at hand
As children, we mold and adapt to any circumstances, engaging in any behavior that allows us to meet our need for safety.
As adults, we often find ourselves engaging in those behaviors that used to keep us safe; perfectionism, overextending, caregiving, people pleasing, etc. Except we slowly come to the conclusion that they’re no longer useful. In fact, we’ve probably noticed that these self-betraying behaviors are not helping us build healthy, thriving interpersonal relationships. If anything, they sabotage and stop us from creating meaningful connections.
This is true for intimate relationships, of all kinds. But it is particularly relevant for those of the romantic nature.
An exchange occurs, things escalate. Our inner child feels threatened. Unresolved issues resurface, along with old patterns and coping mechanisms. Naturally, we behave in ways to keep ourselves “safe.” The other party defends and responds from their own wounds and conditioning.
It becomes a never-ending cycle. Then we shame ourselves and wonder why things never seem to work out or why we can't have healthy relationships.
Course Outline for Each Week
INTRODUCTION
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Week 1: A closer look at your attachment style and the impact of your upbringing
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Week 2: Breaking up with perfectionism and procrastination
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Week 3: Grounding skills for emotional bypassing and making peace with your inner people-pleaser
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Week 4: Releasing your controlling behaviors and ending the loop of overextension
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Week 5: Healing your codependency and perpetual caregiving patterns
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Week 6: Reparenting yourself and creating thriving interpersonal relationships
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BONUS
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Dr. Miriam Kirmayer
Clinical Psychologist
Friendship Expert
Maria and I first connected via the therapist community on Instagram and over the years and through our various conversations and collaborations she’s become both a friend and a source of inspiration.
Her work is practical, nuanced, and rooted in compassion. I’m consistently impressed by how she makes insights and practices that benefit our emotional well-being and relationships so accessible.
I have no doubt her e-course on self-betrayal was created with the same thoughtfulness and care that Maria brings to each of her projects and that it will be a helpful resource for so many of us who are looking to better understand the patterns that keep us from connecting more deeply, both with others and ourselves.
Nate Postlethwait
Writer
Trauma Informed Coach
I have found Maria’s work to be enlightening in areas that many feel stuck but also very graceful in it’s approach to humanity and how we process our emotions. Her work affirms those deep parts of us that we are often afraid to approach because we are not sure we will hear what we need. Her work meets us in those places.
Alyssa (Lia) Mancao
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
I know Maria both personally and professionally; she is a trusted colleague and a dear friend. Truthfully, I have found her work and approach as a therapist to be empathetic, collaborative, detailed, and authentic. Maria places a tremendous amount of care into what she does; from her work with her clients down to her Instagram captions! She has a unique way of taking complex concepts and creating content that feels like medicine for the soul.
Maria strives to create a safe space for those around her; operating from a place of curiosity and kindness. I have personally witnessed the amount of care and thought that Maria has placed into her e-course to ensure that those who have access to it will receive deeply meaningful information and the tools to positively shift their relationship with themselves. Maria is a gem in the therapist community and I am very lucky to know her.
Meet your instructor:
Hi, I’m Maria, or Holisticallygrace on social media (Grace is my middle name, in case you were curious).
I am a multi-passionate human and educator in love with practices that honor the whole person, relationships and environment.
AND up until a couple years ago, someone who found themselves in a constant cycle of self-betrayal.
I was the chronic people pleaser. Except I called it being "polite" "nice" and "dedicated."
I was the perfectionist. The fear of failure consumed my life and didn't allow me to have fun, try new things or step out of my very small comfort zone. I was obsessed with showing a version of myself that didn't exist and took so much energy to upkeep.
I needed to be the perfect student, therapist, wife, stepmom, etc. Oh yes, I can't forget, I also needed to eat perfectly clean. I called it being "healthy." I was everything but that. The self-generated stress really took a toll on my mind, body, and relationships.
I was the queen of bypassing emotions and invalidating my experiences. For so many years I would sit with my clients and say: feel your feelings! I repeated these words, like a broken record, and yet when it came to my own life, avoidance and toxic positivity were the norm.
You see, after the death of a family member completely brought us to our knees, I decided sadness didn't deserve any space in my heart or life.
Any moment I sensed that familiar discomfort or any of those "negative" emotions, I would throw myself into positive solutions, activities, partying, drinking or whatever needed to be done to avoid.
I was also the procrastinator. Ok, fine, I am still actively working on this one! BUT I am constantly creating useful organizational systems, showing myself compassion, and understanding my emotional landscape in order to motivate and empower myself (don't worry, I'll share all my not- so- secret-secrets!)
Fast forward to today and I am in such a different place. Don't get me wrong, by no means do I have this whole human thing down. Social media only offers a small glimpse into my world. Behind the scenes, I get lost, struggle, and make mistakes. But now I know how to find and honor myself, get back on my own track and recommit without letting the shame gremlins pull me down under.
The loving and soulful connections that I craved in my younger years have become my reality, especially that elusive connection with myself.
This program - Breaking Your Self-Betrayal Patterns - is my way of passing along that reality; from my hands to yours. I’ve put my heart and my soul in the creation of this program and I can’t wait for you to become part of this beautiful journey.
By understanding the ways in which we are constantly getting stuck in toxic sabotaging cycles with ourselves and in our interpersonal relationships, we can break free and liberate ourselves from self-betrayal.
This program is not a replacement for clinical therapy. However, the principles that we will work on together will create a shift in your life...for the better.
By the end of this masterclass you will be able to:
>> Create a sense of safety from within, an essential building block for healthy interpersonal relationships.
>>Understand the impact of your attachment style and take actionable steps to shift if you have an insecure (anxious, avoidant, disorganized) style.
>>See yourself as an expert of your own life, tune into your body’s wisdom and use your uncomfortable emotions (fear, anger, sadness) as an inner compass.
>>Identify, honor your needs and establish the necessary boundaries with yourself, family, partners, friends, and colleagues to end toxic relational patterns.
>>Challenge the unrealistic expectations and standards that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from experiencing joy.
>>View your procrastination through a different lens and employ tactics that cultivate internal motivation.
>>Begin to lift the weight from the painful family dynamics you experienced and still carry with you.
>>Re-parent yourself and provide the nurture and care you may not have had growing up.
>>Speak up, have a voice, and trust that your opinions matter and deserve to take up space.
>> Build a solid commitment to respecting yourself regardless of your output or the outcome of your projects/goals.
>> Develop a strong sense of compassionate personal accountability without the need for shame.
>> Cultivate environments, communities, and relationships where you thrive and are the most authentic version of yourself.
Love notes...
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How is the program delivered?
This program is a 6-week live online training that will be held via Zoom. There is so much power in belonging to a supportive community and growing together! I will also take 10-15 minutes after class to answer questions.
Q: What if I can't attend the LIVE classes?
No worries! All the LIVE sessions will be uploaded to the online portal within 24 hours. You will be able to watch these whenever you want-as many times as you want! You will also be able to connect with the community and find an accountability buddy (if you so choose) via the private Facebook page.
Q: When does the program start and end?
The program is held every Sunday at 2 PM EST.
Week 1: Mar 7th
Week 2: March 14th
Week 3: March 21st
Week 4: March 28th
Week 5: April 4th
Week 6: April 11th
Q: How long do I have access to the program?
One year. You will also be able to download all the PDF workbooks.
Q: What if I'm not happy with the program?
I believe 100% in the value of my work. The principles that I teach are not just my personal opinion, but backed by research.
However, if you realized this course is not for you, you can request a refund within 48 hours after the first live training.
Q: I have personal questions. How can I contact you?
Of course! Send me an email: [email protected]
See you soon! - Maria
